Soundtrack for the reading. Press Play, read on.
I decided to start this blog for the primary purpose of keeping myself on a timely writing schedule. I needed the creative outlet that doing something like this provides and, humbleness be damned, I thought I may have something to say. Turns out, I don't.
It's been a few days since my last entry, or at least I left up longer than a few hours. I did write a post on "Gay", but (and this is what I struggle with) I feared offending people even though there was nothing offensive about what I'd written. I was concerned that because I was highlighting the gay community for it's continual progress by putting the focus on how things had become increasingly more "gay" over time, it would be read by some as minimizing the actual progress. The piece had my bizarre sense of humor attached to it which I blindly assume everyone can understand.
But I got gun shy and after posting it, I removed it a few hours later. This is the part of "blogging" that I hate. I don't want to be censored. I don't want to be afraid of backlash because someone might find what I say offensive. The truth is that if I were to publish that post again, most of you would not be offended at all and in fact would see the point I was making. My sense of humor isn't derived from the the easy way to mock people. There was no mockery involved. But, in the eyes of someone not clear on who I am, it could be seen as something it wasn't intended to be, and that really pisses me off!
I want this blog to be a place where I can come and write my thoughts in a creative way, assembling videos and audio clips for a full experience. I don't like being edited. But it can never be said enough to someone looking for hate everywhere they go, that there is no hate here. They will find it. They always do.
So, I'm at a crossroads. I want to continue this blog with freedom and total creative control, but I don't want to be misunderstood, especially by people I care about. So how do I find this balance? Do I just post the damn thing and see if it does offend people? Or do I continue to monitor what I say, limit my ideas and creative license because a few people out there will always find the negative in a positive? I'm unsure. And with that, I'm unsure as to how to move forward with my blog. It will never be the type of place where I come to journal my life. I'm not that interesting and telling the world what I did today doesn't excite me, let alone a reader looking to escape the world for ten minutes or so, so that can't happen. What do I do? Do I continue with it in a gelded manner where my work goes from what was once the very strong, Mamet like opinion place I wanted to create, to a much softer, politically correct gallery of liberal views so strained to please everyone that no one likes it?
If this is not an art form as I've stated, then I'm limited to the confines of pseudo-journalism. If I decide to try and slide this under the art umbrella, then I risk total failure in a way that is destructive to what I want to do. It's quite the conundrum. A question I have yet to answer.
In the meantime, since I can't post my blog on "Gay", I'll just give you Jermaine Stewart.
The Swan,
ReplyDeleteI think you should post your blog. It sounds like the people you are worried about offending are those that go out and search for anything to complain about. In that case, you're doing them a favor... give them something else cry about... it's what they do.
I enjoy your writing. I know your heart. I know you thought I was offended by your talk of Heaven and the Baptists in your neighborhood, but I really wasn't.
Look, if someone finds what you write offensive... oh well. After reading four posts of yours at this point, you've got something great going.
And for the love of God, don't PC it. It's not you. It's not interesting.
Love you... but not in a GAY way... just a gay way.
Myke